A Blogger Like Me, Drink a Lotta Liquor ...

With apologies to Bill Simmons: I have very few rules in life, but this is one of them. Any time a heretofore-unkown R&B singer introduces me to a major advance in the field of relationship forensics

in the same weekend that the Cavs win on a clutch shot by a nearly-unknown LeBronninite,

leading me to unearth the unmitigated philosophical genius of Delonte West,

I have to write a blog entry about it. These things, as a wise man once said, can no longer be ignored.

Some things to ponder while we await tipoff on Game 5:

1. I think we can all agree that Shaggy's 2000 summer jam "It Wasn't Me" ushered in the new century by forecasting major trends in both political strategy and media theory. Senior administration officials, Swift Boat Veterans, and Rik Rok all agree: lie often, and lie confidently, until the lie becomes the truth. So is Shaggy more like the Rupert Murdoch of his time, or the Karl Rove? And what does that make our girl Riskay? Patrick Fitzgerald? Ken Starr?

2. Will taunting LeBron in a "mocking baby voice" cause him to put up 75 points, or merely 50? And which beat will Jay-Z choose for his Brendon Haywood diss track? (I'm keeping my fingers crossed for this one, because Dockers just reminded me that it rules, and because "you puny protozoa" would be even more hilarious, in this context.)

3. Can a man really drive his "drop-top Hummer" "butt nekkid," if he keeps his "ankle socks," his "knee-high Chuck Taylors," and his headband on?

4. There is no way Delonte West actually owns a horse, right?

A hundred things in that clip slay me, for real ... but look for this one on our inaugural line of kentertainment t-shirts (and headbands): "My freelance may seem crazy to other people." Word.